engaged encounter retreat

February 5th, 2010

Robert and I spent this past weekend at a retreat called Engaged Encounter held at the Marywood Pastoral Center in Orange. It’s a Catholic based retreat meant to prepare engaged couples for marriage. Their slogan says it all:

A Wedding is a Day. A Marriage is a Lifetime.

I couldn’t agree more! We tend to get wrapped up in the planning of the wedding day itself that we forget to plan and talk thru all the important things that will make for a life-long happy marriage. We showed up to it not expecting much at all, but actually dreading it to be such a long, isolated weekend away from our normal life. Now words can’t express how thankful we are to have gone thru and experienced this weekend for one another. It has really brought us even closer than I thought possible, to a deeper understanding of one another, and to an unconditional love I’ve never felt before.

a recap of the entire weekend…the good, the bad, and the really good! Continue on for a close-up insider look of an engaged encounter weekend.

The weekend started off with check-in at 7pm on Friday evening. Upon check-in we were given cute name tags with each other’s names on them. There were 2 Thao’s and like 4 Robert’s there that weekend. Can you imagine how confusing it would have been without our significant other’s names on the tags as well?

I was mostly nervous as to who I would be sharing a dormitory style room with. Will she be a sleep talker? Can I trust her with my things? Turns out I got to dorm with a nice young Vietnamese girl named Kathy who will be marrying Peter in May. She gave us a referral to a great cake vendor which we hope will work out.

Here’s an exterior shot of our dorm building.

Here are shots of the dorm room.

The bed was ok and I was cold most the night. I kept tossing and turning both nights waking up at least 20 times. Rob though, slept like a baby. He was lucky enough to get his own room since his roomie didn’t show.

Showers and bathrooms are also dormitory–down the hall and shared. We weren’t very happy with the shower heads AT ALL! First, they were about my height so still too short for me but can you imagine how short for Rob? He had to crouch down pretty low to wash his hair. The worst part was they hurt SO BAD! It’s like a pressure washer spraying at your naked body. TMI, but I had to cover a few sensitive body parts for protection. Good thing was, there was plenty of hot water.

I also wasn’t too fond of the tight schedule. Wake up call at 6:45AM?? OMG. I need my full 8 hours to be happy, but with it being so cold, bed not being so great, and discussions until at least 10~11pm I thought I wouldn’t be able to give my 100% to the topics at hand.

To the 2nd most important part of the weekend: the food. It was not bad at all. My favorite meal was breakfast probably because I rarely ever get to have a full on breakfast in my normal every day life. Pancakes on Saturday morning were my favorite. A few dishes are pictured below.

love me some bread and butter!

Our first meeting started at 8pm right after check-in. We each got notebooks that contain the general agenda for the weekend and the outline of topics with sections to take notes and write our thoughts in. Little did I know that these notebooks will become a very important, huge source of reference for our marriage life.

Each topic had an art work and saying attached to it; just for inspiration or a lack of a better visual. All the topics required active listening so it could get a little hard to concentrate. Topics start off with the real life couple, who would lead us thru our weekend, share with us their experiences, thoughts, and feelings on the topic while Father Mark chimed in on how it relates to religious life and the Church. We would then break away from our fiance for 20 minutes to reflect and answer a few questions related to the topic. Afterwards we’d find one another to exchange notebooks and read each others responses.

Photo of some of the artwork boards.

Some of the sayings: (click on the image for a larger view to read them)

This was my favorite saying of the weekend:

Having to actually write versus type answers was a bit of a change. We’re so used to typing these days with the ease of editing on a screen that we had to think hard before putting ink to paper. Getting to read each others responses on the same subject without any prior mutual discussion on it is a rarity. It really opens up our minds to each others thoughts and opinions without being critical or judgmental; we’re actually being truthful to one another. Below is a recap of some of the subjects we touched upon:

  • Openness in Communication
  • Signs of a Closed Relationship
  • Decisions in Marriage
  • Intimacy (into me see)
  • Family
  • Betrothal
  • Forgiveness
  • Sharing a Vision

Just from the list of topics above, you can already tell that it gets pretty deep and pretty personal. I had to hold back tears at least a dozen times from the real life stories the couples shared with us and especially when I read Robert’s responses on some the topics.

Betrothal was a biggie. What does betrothal mean anyway? A public pledge of love and commitment to take practical, concrete steps to prepare for marriage. After we wrote our betrothal to one another, Rob came looking for me with a red rose in hand. I gave him a looong, huge hug. We then exchanged notebooks and read and re-read each others betrothal in silence. It was so amazing to see written words of a pledge of love made to me. *tear*

My favorite part of our couples discussion was getting to make a list of our priorities/values for our future marriage life together. We got to rank in what priority we would spend our money (clothing, food, savings, home, entertainment, etc), how we would spend our time (together, work, sleep, tv, hobbies, parents, etc), and the people in our lives (friends, family, one another, children, etc). Of course this list would change as our marriage grows and our priorities change, but it was such a relief to be able to decide on these very important topics together. It was really a great first step (exercise) in making major decisions together as one unit, one family.

On Saturday evening we got a little bit of a treat from the lead couple who have a co-op at an Oregon vineyard. They grow and ferment their own wine labeling it Fermenting Friends Winery. We got to try several different red and white wines along with some cheese, crackers, and grapes. Such a nice surprise for a long weekend.

Here’s our view of OC that Saturday night.

Of course we passed the course with flying colors. I’m so proud of Rob for going thru the entire weekend with me. I love him with all my heart and am so happy to be spending the rest of my life with him. Can’t wait for our journey as husband and wife to begin.

Rob with our certificate.


4 Responses to “engaged encounter retreat”

  1. Rob on February 5, 2010 12:40 am

    Nice writeup babydoll!

  2. quang on February 5, 2010 8:20 am

    good job you two!

  3. Sonny on February 20, 2010 3:06 pm

    I’m proud of you both! May happiness forever…

  4. Jackie on March 12, 2011 4:49 pm

    Hi! Your wedding is beautiful! I love your wedding dress. How much will you be selling it for?

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